Monday, 8 October 2012

permanence

'A word is dead when it is said, some say.  I say it just begins to live that day'  ~ Emily Dickinson

Peeling paintwork on an 18th century house in Gruissan, France -
permanent yet always changing


My blog is not often introspective.  When I do post something of a  personal nature it has the effect of making me feel rather self-conscious and just a tad over-indulgent.  I read many wonderful blogs where the writing is of such an excellent quality that the author can be forgiven for laying bare their most innermost thoughts and feelings.  We are all owners of our own blogs after all and entitled to blog about whatever we so choose.  Indeed I wouldn't dream of sitting in judgement of anyone else's content on their blog, but on the whole public introspection is not for me.  Until that is - autumn arrives and with it comes a sense of melancholy which slowly descends upon my shoulders.

It doesn't last long and is not with me every day but I am conscious of it.  I do my best to embrace this season of harvest and its offer of bountiful gifts; to take comfort in the rich russet and golden colours of nature and allow myself to sigh with relief at the general winding down of the gardening season.  Mostly though, I feel the shifting nature of time.  The dark mornings and soon to be even darker evenings.  The shortening of the days and the lack of sunlight.  A feeling of loss.


In Loving Memory of my father William
21 June 1921
8 October 2004

x


 
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26 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean Jeanne. My mother died in October too and so that adds to the feeling of loss you speak of. However there is still much to enjoy about this time of year and to everything there is a season and the wheel will turn once more and longer sunnier days will return. All is exactly as it should be I feel.

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  2. My dear Jeanne,
    i can´t understand all your words, but i feel you are sad........send you all my thoughts and sun for your heart!!!

    With love, Jade

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  3. I too have some sad autumnal anniversaries, and also find that the general shortening of the days and greying off the skies depresses my mood as well. But it is good to remember and reflect and if we didn't have the dark days, we wouldn't appreciate the sunny ones nearly so much.

    Pomona x

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  4. Dear Jeanne,

    I wish I lived closer by, so that I could come over and have a cup of tea with you.

    Take care Jeanne!

    Much love,

    Madelief x

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  5. Today has been a grey day here in N Wales and like you I find it hard to cope with the darker evenings.If it is a sunny Autumn day-brilliant-I love it but grey days are a no no.Hope you get a sunny one soon.

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  6. Oh Jeanne! Perhaps I could also invite myself for tea alongside Madelief? I'm sure we could put those grey skies aside for a cosy while and talk about uplifting matters.

    I very much like the way you express yourself through your writing. Enough to wish I knew you a little better.

    Warmest wishes from France where the skies are just as cloudy and the rain is falling just as hard ;-)

    Stephanie

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  7. Big hugs for you today darling.....love Ria...xxx...

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  8. The garden gets me down this time of year. I look up to the skies and trees. My dad died in September many years ago but I think of him with his birthday coming up Nov. 1st. But then there are halloween and caramel apples, football games and children playing on the weekends. Places to get out in visit in the countryside since the garden doesn't require me anymore and museums are great to see on the rainy days. Letting go of one season to embrace another is not easy if you're a gardener. xo Jenny

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  9. Im sorry I don't get over to say hi often lately. I just haven't been able to be on the computer for long since I had a concussion 3 mos ago. I always enjoy my visits here and yours to my blog. ox

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  10. It is that time, truly, of being drawn in and down. I guess I;m one who shares a lot on my blog, so essential is it to artistic process, I think. Sending light dancing on the colorful New England atumnal forests and blessings on this day of remembering for you.

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  11. I know what you mean about the melancholy descending upon your shoulders at this time of year. I feel it too as much as I love the crisp sunny days of autumn the feelings of loss and slight emptiness rush in like waves on an incoming tide, luckily the tide does go out again. Take care:)

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  12. Jeanne, I know only too well what you are feeling. I had a little weep only this morning thinking about my Dad. Don't ask me why as there is nothing date wise to trigger my thoughts and I am always the sibling described as 'tough'.Something just triggered my thinking and I was away in my own little world. Perhaps it is those darkening, shortening days as you say.I am not fond of these dank dreary days. Keep going friend, a day at a time. It's all we can do!

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  13. Dear Jeanne,

    I think your sadness and sense of loss touches us all who reads your lovely blog. Both because we care about you and because many of us share a similar sense of loss. I love this month but it also has a dark shadow over it as my best friend would've turned 41 this month had she survive breastcancer. Happiness and sadness walking hand in hand as with so many things in life.

    Wish I could give you a big hug but instead I send it to you via cyberspace. Take care my dear friend.♥

    Lotta
    xx

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  14. Thinking of you, Jeanne. These anniversaries are always so hard. xx

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  15. For me, the passing of time has always felt strongest in the fall. The cooler days, the leaves falling, and geese migrating north reminds me that another year of my life has gone by.

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  16. How poignant, that what you've shared 'chimes' with so many of us. My mum died in October two years ago, and I've found myself approaching the anniversary with conscious confidence but an unconscious sort of discontent. I'm glad you've mentioned this, as it's going to make me take proper stock of the situation. Thank you.

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  17. Hi Jeanne, I think I have wandered over here from Marigold Jam and thought I would let you know I had been - you have a delightful blog and a beautiful garden! I lost my dad in 2006 and his birthday was last month. I still wish him happy birthday and find myself chatting to him all the time because for me he is still around - I just can't see him anymore. The sense of loss can be quite overwhelming and even though I do not know you I can sense your sadness in your post. My thoughts are with you and hope you will feel brighter soon.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your visit and for your kind and understanding comment. You found me on a down day but please do come back again!

      I look forward to popping over to yours.

      Jeanne
      x

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  18. this introspective post of yours was truly heartfelt and honest, jeanne. i know it's not what you "normally" do in this blog of yours that i so enjoy, but sometimes it is necessary—and it can feel good, and be good for you, to go in a different direction. unburdening is not a bad thing, even if you feel a little funny about it. it's not easy, but your online friends are here for you.

    the fleeting nature of everything around us hits hard when the days become so dark and short. i also feel it in the autumn even though i love the seasons and the change each one brings. i, too, would love to be able to join you for a cup of tea to cheer you up, lift your spirits.

    instead, here is an extra tight cyber hug from me : )

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  19. Dear Jeanne, I am very aware of the fact that autumn is not your season. Before, you would actually be be absent during most of the fall. I never knew why..
    This was a very touching post because you shared something personal with us and I know it was not an easy one for you to write.
    But a blog is about you - about putting into words your feelings and impressions and finding healing in that action. At least I always do...
    Hugs to you my friend
    xoxo

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  20. What you share of yourself isn't self-indulgent. It's honest. And you describe the melancholy and loss with quiet beauty:

    I do my best to embrace this season of harvest and its offer of bountiful gifts; to take comfort in the rich russet and golden colours of nature... Mostly though, I feel the shifting nature of time.

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  21. Dear Jane, Jade, Pomona, Madelief, Busybusybeejay, Stephanie, Ria, Jenny, Kerrie, Valerianna, Rosie, Lesley, Lotta, Jo, Joy, Floss, Mignon, Zuzana and HKatz:

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful and caring words.

    It seems many of us feel ambiguous about the turning of the season from summer to autumn and the effect it can have on our general wellbeing. Thank you also for sharing your own personal experiences of loss.

    I so very much appreciate each and every one of your comments but rather than reply individually, on this occasion I feel it appropriate to reply to you as a whole, and with a huge 'Thank You'.

    Jeanne
    xox

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  22. Most years I look forward to autumn and the winding down of the year - but this year I feel different - mainly because we have been cheated of a summer. Like you I rarely write a blog post about personal emotion and problems - but I somehow admire those that put it out there for the rest of the blogging world to read about. Counting the days to spring!

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  23. I hope this feeling of sadness shall pass and you will emerge feeling subdued but looking forward to the days ahead.
    One never realizes how much the loss of a loved one can lie heavy in the heart until the anniversary of their passing.Though your Father is no longer here on earth his spirit still lives on in your soul.
    Take care my dear...
    Susan x

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  24. I too have mixed feelings about this time of year. I have come to appreciate the colours and spectacle of autumn. But it also heralds shorter days, cold, and less time outside. And another year that has passed.

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  25. I love, love, love the autumn. My favorite time of year. However, my dad died in February of 2008 and I can't think of a more hateful month. I've always hated February, and now it's just ten times worse. So I can relate to how you feel, I just feel it about a different time of the year.

    For me, the pumpkins and golden afternoons and russet leaves (with some cinnamon and nutmeg and ghost stories thrown in for good measure) make October my favorite month. The warm days and cold nights, getting to wear my favorite coats and sweaters and scarves and hats again... I love it all!

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Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog and for indulging me in my musings. I enjoy reading your comments and will reply, time and tide permitting, on this page... at some juncture ... which may be several days later ... oh to have more time to blog!

I love to visit you in return also.

Jeanne
x

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